To Myself I Turned
by Beckyhelene
Summary: Post Heir Apparent part 2. Nick is forced to think about whether he belongs in the human world or the mystic world.


Title: To Myself I Turned

Summary: Nick has to think about all the things he's recently learned and wonder if he belongs in the human world or in the mystic world.

Disclaimer: Power Rangers belongs to Disney, "To Myself I Turned" belongs to Lacuna Coil.

Note: Disregard the princess line, lol, I mean the song is sung by the female lead singer.

----

Nick paused and sighed as he finished sweeping up the last pit of dust in Rootcore as his mother had asked…….Mother…………..the concept was still so fresh and bizarre in his mind. Just the other day, he was Nick Russell, Red Mystic Force Ranger. Now, he was Bowen, son of Udonna and……

"Bowen?" Came Udonna's voice, interrupting his thoughts as she entered the room. "Are you all done?" She asked. He nodded.

"Yeah," he said. It still felt peculiar hearing her call him that. For the past few months, she addressed him like she did the other rangers. By name, or "dear child". Now, hearing her say "Bowen" with a soft smile on her face made him pause and think about what that all meant.

"Good," she smiled. "There's something I want to show you, come with me." Nick set down the broom and followed her as she walked up the stairs in Rootcore and went to another room. She opened the door to reveal a dimly lit white room with white curtains and a bed also decked in white. Nick realized it was her room. "Come in," she said. Nick obeyed and followed her inside. "Sit down," she said gently. Nick nodded and sat down on the bed as she went across the room and opened a white sort of closet that had a large frame. She kneeled down and gathered some things from the bottom. Nick could see that she was still weak from losing her powers and was having trouble getting the things out.

"Here, let me help," he said as he got off the bed and went over to her.

"Oh, thank you," she said. Nick reached in and took hold of something wooden. He pulled it out and set in on the floor between himself and Udonna. Udonna sat back on the floor and smiled as Nick looked down on the wooden cradle he had just pulled out. He stared at it with wide eyed wonderment as his hands glided over the smooth polished wood.

"Is this….?" He asked, his voice trailing off, slightly amazed.

"It is your cradle," she said lovingly. A soft laugh escaped Nick's lips.

"I………wow….." he whispered.

_I was born in another world strictly connected_

_To a piece my mind_

_Nothing more than a little land_

_It's a small cradle _

_Where I'm a kid, I am the princess in there,_

_Nothing wrong in my fantasy world._

Nick looked up as he saw Udonna pull out more things from the closet and set them by the cradle. He picked up a small object that looked like a rattle. It was fashioned out of a carved piece of stick with a piece of red cloth tied on the top. Nick laughed and shook it gently, hearing the soft rattle emitting from the toy filled him with a feeling of longing. He longed to remember being a baby and being held by his mother. As it was, his earliest memory was that of being held by his adopted parents and being peered at over their shoulders by his older sister.

"Your father made that for you the night you were born," Udonna said. Nick set the object down at the mention of his father. He still couldn't quite accept that his father was the same person he had been fighting for so long. He then caught sight of some rolled up pieces of parchment that Udonna held on her lap.

"What are those?" He asked. Udonna looked up at her son.

"Just……pictures…" she whispered softly. "I haven't been able to bring myself to look upon them in a long while,"

"Why?" Nick asked. Udonna handed him the items. He set them on the floor next to him before pulling them onto his lap and rolling it open. He saw a charcoal drawing of a woman sleeping on her side. Next tothe woman was a small sleeping baby that the woman held close to her. "Us?" He asked.

"Yes," Udonna said. Nick pulled another parchment up on his lap and rolled it open. This one was also a charcoal drawing, but the style was different, telling Nick it had been drawn by someone else. He saw the woman from the first picture sitting next to Leanbow, gazing down loving at the baby Leanbow was holding as he looked at her with the same expression.

"You and Leanbow really loved each other," Nick mused.

"Yes, we love each other deeply," she said, her tone clarifying the tense. She reached over and stroked Nick's cheek lovingly. "And we adored you more than ever," she said. Nick looked through the rest of the parchments, finding drawing that were done like the first one. They contained images of him lying on his back next to another baby with blonde hair, who Nick learned was Clare. There was a picture of Udonna holding him and sitting beside a woman who looked like Clare holding the blonde baby. Nick figured it was Niella.

After Nick finished looking at all the parchments, Udonna told him she had something to show him and led him to another room. This room was at the other side of the hall. The inside was almost bare, with just a bed covered in red blankets in the corner. Nick saw his baby blanket folded neatly at the foot of the bed. "After I learned from Phineas that he had found my child and taken him to the human world, a part of me hoped that one day, after the darkness was defeated, I would find him," she looked at him.

"You mean……this is my room?" He asked. Udonna gently took his hands in hers.

"Only if you want it to be," she told him. "I can't begin to imagine how all this must be making you feel," she said. "You have grown up in the human world and have a life there. But, if you decide you'd like to be here…….well, I will not lie to you and say that I wouldn't be happy if you did," Nick released her hands and slowly walked into the room. "It isn't much right now," she said, ashamed she couldn't provide more decoration for her son. "But, you could decorate it however you like," she said. Nick turned to her and smiled.

"Its perfect, mom," he said.

_I am the king, the nation_

_No dictators or religions_

_No laws laid down for me,_

_I have my own liberty inside of me_

_Nothing to lose, I want to live here._

Nick left Rootcore with a sense of awareness inside of him. For so long he had wondered who he was and what his parents were like, and now he had found his mother. Back when he was younger, he had thought about searching for his parents. The only thing that kept him from actually acting on those desires was an underlying fear. He thought that there was a reason his parents abandoned him. What if he found them and they wanted nothing to do with him? Those fears made him banish all thoughts of his biological heritage completely. And now, he had found his mother and seen that not only had she been wanting to find him for so long, but she wanted him to come live with her. That thought brought a smile to his face as he shifted into the human dimension. He ended up by the tree across from the Rockporium and caught sight of his friends outside enjoying their break from work by Vida's car.

_As you see, I'm the only survivor in this land._

"Nick, over here!" Chip called to him excitedly, waving him over. Nick jogged across the street and joined them. Once Nick joined the others, they bombarded him with questions and general comments about the day.

"So, did Udonna say anything?" "Is she really your mom?" "Do you have like a special outfit or something with a cape?" Nick gave Chip an odd look at his question before addressing the group as whole.

"It was amazing, you guys," he said. "Udonna……Mom….." he amended, "she showed me all this stuff from when I was a baby," he gushed.

"Like what?" Xander asked.

"My cradle, some of my toys, some drawings," Nick said.

"Aw," Madison said. "That's really great, Nick."

"And that's not even the best part,"

"Well, what is it?" Vida asked.

"She wants me to live with her, and I think I'm going to do it," he recounted excitedly. The group fell silent.

"…….Live with her?" Xander asked.

"……In the magical realm?" Madison asked.

"…..It Rootcore?" Vida asked.

"Cool!" Chip exclaimed.

"Yeah," Nick said. "What's wrong?"

"Well……isn't it a bit soon?" Xander asked. "I mean, don't get me wrong, mate, we're all really happy for you, but-"

"You **just** found out that she's your mother. Don't you think you need some more time to fully process this?"

"What's there to process?" Nick asked. "She's my mother. She wants me to live with her. End of processing." He had come into the conversation feeling so sure, confident and happy. Why couldn't his friends feel the same for him?

"But what about your job? What about your sister? Did you forget about your other family?" Madison asked. "I mean, are you just going to abandon them? What about us?" She concluded, waving her hand around the group, addressing herself, Vida, Xander and Chip. Nick sad back, reeling from all of this.

"Just because I'm living in Rootcore doesn't mean I'll stop coming back here," Nick replied. He let off a small scoff and stood up from his spot on the stoop outside of the store. "You know, I thought you guys were my friends. I must've been crazy to think you guys would be happy for me," he said before walking off.

"I'm happy for you!" Chip called after him. "Can I live in Rootcore too?" He asked.

"Chip," Vida said, her tone edged with admonishment.

_When did I hear this wind before_

_Change like this to a deeper roar?_

_I'm starting to bleed another way_

_I just need some time to complete myself._

----

Nick sat at the kitchen table in his sister's house, thinking about how his friends reacted to his news.

"How could they say those things?" He asked himself. They were supposed to be his friends, they were supposed to be happy for him. "Some friends they are," he muttered. He heard the front door open and close, causing him to look up from his focal point on the table.

"Anybody home?" A voice called out.

"In here," Nick replied. A few minutes later, Nick's sister………..adoptive sister……Cheryl dragged herself through the kitchen archway with shopping bags attached to each hand. She slumped down on one of the other chairs at the table before blowing out a long tired breath. "You okay? He asked. She nodded and pulled back wisps of her golden hair out of her face.

"Just exhausted," she said. "The Mewler case is really taking a lot out of me. You know the scumbag boss is trying to say that it's her fault she was harassed at her office?" She asked.

"Well, it's a good thing she's got the most dedicated lawyer in Briarwood on her side, huh?" Nick asked, giving her a smile as she slid her stocking feet out of her high heeled shoes.

"Remind me again why I thought going to law school was a good idea?" She asked. Nick laughed.

"Here, let me put these away," he offered, picking up the two shopping bags and putting away the groceries.

"Thanks, bro," she said. Nick paused and looked at her. Madison was right. How could he forget about his sister, or his parents? They had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember. They had raised him. He couldn't just abandon them. "Nick?" Cheryl asked, noticing her brother's odd behavior. "Something wrong?" She asked. He shook his head.

"No, I'm okay," he said.

"Okay," she leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs, putting her right foot over her left knee as she began to knead and massage the flesh of her foot. "How do you feel about pizza for dinner?" She asked.

"Yeah, pizza sounds good," he said, his mind still thinking about what he would do about Udonna.

_These spotlights are here again_

_I can't see anything, I'm blind_

_This nature of time and space_

_Makes me sick of the situation_

-----

After a night of tossing and turning with all his thoughts rolling in his mind as he tried to sleep, Nick went to Rootcore. He walked through the mouth of the dragon and entered the main room of the place he used to only see as a base of operations for him and his fellow rangers. He found Clare with a book of spells and a pot of soil in front of her.

"Fornicus growa!" She exclaimed, waving her hands at the pot. Slowly, something grin sprouted from the soil. Nick soon saw that it was a steam of a plant of some sort. Slowly, the bud at the top of the steam burst open to reveal a white rose. "I did it!" Clare exclaimed excitedly, clapping her hands. Unfortunately, she spoke to soon, since the flower quickly dried up and slumped forward as quickly as it had sprung to life. "Not again," she muttered, pouting slightly.

"Hey, you almost had it," Nick said, causing the blonde girl to gasp and spin around, startled.

"Oh, Nick!" She said, her happy tone appearing again. She went over to him and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. Nick, startled by her launching herself onto him, stumbled backwards a bit before he regained his balance and hugged her back.

"Interesting welcome," he joked. Clare pulled back and smiled at him.

"Udonna said you might be coming to live here with us," she said. Nick's smile faded.

"Oh," he said.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so happy. I mean, first we find out that you…well, you're Bowen, and now you're going to live here!" She smiled. "It'll be so much fun! We can practice spells together, raid the food cupboard after Udonna goes to sleep. It'll be just so great, cousin!"

"Cousin……right…." He nodded.

"Clare," came Udonna's voice as she descended the stairs and entered the main room. "I need you to pick some stickleberries fo-" she paused when she saw Nick standing there. "Oh, Bowen, what a lovely surprise," she smiled.

"Hey, mom," he said, returning her smile. Clare gave a little excited squeal.

"_Mom_," she said, causing Nick and Udonna to laugh softly. She looked at Udonna. "Oh, I'll just leave you two to catch up and go get those stickleberries," she said as she left Rootcore, grabbing her basket as she departed. Udonna approached Nick and gave him a hug, which Nick reciprocated without hesitation. She stepped back and looked at him.

"So, what brings you here today?" She asked.

"Well, I-"

"Have you eaten anything? Would you like some tea?" She asked. "I could go make us some tea," she went to go put on some water to boil before pausing. "Do you like tea?" She asked. "No, no, how about hot chocolate?" She asked. Nick laughed and gently took one of her hands in his.

"Mom, its okay, I don't need anything," he said. "And for the record, yes, I do like tea,"

"Oh," Udonna breathed, smiling. "Well, come, come, let us sit down," she said, leading Nick to one of the wooden chairs by the table at the center of the room. They sat down together.

"I…….I've been thinking……….About what we talked about yesterday…" he looked up at Udonna's smiling face, his words cutting off by his own sigh.

_I couldn't know if I…_

_If I will be strong enough for this_

_I have to choose_

_Do I want to live here?_

"Bowen, what is wrong?" She asked. Nick looked down. Something about his expression seemed to answer her question for her. "….You're not coming to stay here, are you?" She asked. Nick winced, feeling like he had just cut her deep in her soul. He looked up.

"I'm so sorry, I………I want to…..You have no idea, I just….." Udonna silenced him by gently stroking his cheek and smiling at him.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said.

"Of course there is. I-"

"You are part of the human world," she said. Nick's eyes became downcast.

"I want to be part of this world," he said. "I mean……I was born here, I-"

"You are part of this world," she said. "You are such a large part of this world, my son. Where you lay your head at night does nothing to change that. I understand you have another family that is just as important to you as I may be, there is no need to apologize."

"I just……….feel like I'm abandoning you, we've just found each other again and I don't want to do that to you," he admitted. Udonna laughed gently.

"Abandoning me?" She asked. "Oh, of course not, child. Besides, what kind of mother would I be if I encouraged you to leave your life behind just to please me?" Nick looked up at her. "It is not like we will never see each other," she smiled. "And, perhaps you could think of Rootcore as your home away from home," she said, hope lining her voice.

"I already do," Nick replied. Which was true, ever since he and the others had become rangers, Rootcore was like a 2nd home to all of them. Udonna's smile widened.

"And, maybe you can spend some nights here?" She asked. "I think Clare has fallen in love with the idea of you being around. Something about raiding the food cupboard," Nick laughed.

"Of course, mom," he said. Udonna smiled and took his face in her hands, lowering it a bit as she planted a motherly kiss on his forehead.

_As you see, I'm the only survivor in this land_

"Oh, I'm sorry," said a voice, causing father and son to break apart and look at the entrance of Rootcore. They had expected to see Clare standing there, having returned quickly from gathering stickleberries, but were surprised to see Madison standing there instead. "I'll……come back later…."

"No, it's quite all right, Madison," Udonna said, standing up from her seat. "Come in," Madison nodded and walked over to her and Nick.

"How are you feeling, Udonna?" She asked. Udonna smiled at the young girl.

"Much better, thank you for asking," she said. "Well, how about I make us all some tea?" She asked as she disappeared from the room to prepare some tea. Nick looked up at Madison.

"Hey," he said. Madison looked down and rocked back and forth on the heels of her feet.

"Hey," she said.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Uh, looking for you, actually. I figured I might find you here," she chanced a look at him. "Still mad?" She asked. Nick shook his head.

"Sit," he offered. Madison took the seat that had been vacated by Udonna. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you guys, you were all right,"

"No, no, we shouldn't have said those things," Madison said. "I mean, you're right, as your friends, we should've been happy for you. And, don't get me wrong, we are so happy for you. I guess we were all just surprised when you told us." She looked down again. "I mean, you say you'll come back to the human world and everything, but then after a while you'll stop. And then we'll just see you when we're battling evil or something, and once the Darkness is defeated, not even then. Then, the next thing any of us will hear from you is when we get an invitation to your wedding to your betrothed tree elf or fairy or something. And, wow if I had known I was going to say all this I would've brought some water with me or something….." she babbled.

"Maddie, Maddie," Nick burst it, amused. She looked at him. "Breathe," he said.

"Oh, right," Madison said.

"First of all……..betrothed tree elf?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow. Madison shrugged. "Second of all, I really don't think my mom's had me betrothed or anything….." he said, smiling broadly. Madison laughed.

"Yeah, that was kind of silly," she said.

"Kind of?" Nick asked. "Besides, I'm not going to live here," he said.

"You're not?" Madison asked. Nick shook his head.

"You were right. I mean, as much as Udonna is my family……I do have another family, and I can't abandon them,"

"Oh, Nick, if this is because of me and what I said, I-"

"No, it's not because of what you said. You just……reminded me to think of everything else," he said.

"Oh." She smiled. "Well, Chip will be deeply disappointed to hear this. He was all excited about having sleepovers here or something," Nick laughed.

"I'll break the news to him gently," he said. Madison laughed.

"Well, listen, I've got to go. See you at Rockporium?" She asked. Nick nodded. "All right, bye," she said as she got up and left. Nick stared at the door she had just exited from for a long while before he heard Udonna's footsteps. He turned back to her.

"Oh, did Madison leave?" She asked, her tone dripping with false innocence, telling Nick she had overheard everything.

"Yeah, she left," Nick said.

"Oh, pity," she said. "You know, Madison is a lovely girl," she said.

"What?" Nick asked.

"Well, she isn't a tree elf or fairy, but she is a nice girl," Udonna joked, smiling at her son.

"What are you getting at, mom?" Nick asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, dear. Just thinking that the two of you would-"

"Mom," Nick said, cutting her off with a playfully warning tone. Udonna's smile only got wider.

"Right…hmm, 'butt out' as you young people say, right?" She asked. Nick laughed.

"Right," he said.

_I couldn't know if I…_

_If I will be strong enough for this_

_I have to choose_

_Do I want to live here?_

_As you see, I'm the only survivor in this land_

_As you see, I'm the only survivor in this land_

_As you see, I'm the only survivor in this land_

END


End file.
